Notorious Etiquette: How To Host A Dinner Party

Hosting a dinner party isn’t exactly a stroll through the park, but let’s not paint it all as a Herculean feat. These shindigs are meant to be a blast for everyone, including you, the host with the most. After a bit of sleuthing around and gathering intel from friends who’ve hosted some memorable bashes, we’ve crafted a guide full of tips and tricks to help you host a dinner party that’ll be the talk of the town.

Rule Numero Uno: Keep Calm and Host On

As the maestro of this soirée, showing any sign of a flap is a big no-no. You’ve got to be the heart and soul of the party, always with a smile, engaging everyone, maybe having a tipple – basically, living it up as much as your guests. And if there’s smoke coming from the kitchen, just shut the door and let the help sort it – yes, if you’re throwing anything more grandiose than a casual get-together for more than a half dozen people, do yourself a favour and get some hired hands, be it a maid, a butler, or a skint niece looking to line her pockets. Let’s go!

Plan Ahead

• Mulling Over the Evening

Take a moment to reflect on the evening’s agenda. Is your guest list a bit too monotonous? Do your guests have something in common, or are there any potentially awkward dynamics to consider? Remember, a seamless soirée doesn’t just happen; it’s a well-orchestrated symphony. And let’s not forget about the clean-up – it’s not always a doddle to spruce up your pad in half a day. As you’re plotting out your soirée, questions will pop up like uninvited guests. Keep track of any sudden realizations or changes – like dietary restrictions – and make a note of them.

• Invitations: Setting The Tone

Your invitation should echo the vibe of your dinner party. Sure, hand-written invites are classy, but a well-crafted email or message can do the trick too. And if you’re feeling fancy, why not go all out with a beautifully designed invitation? After all, nobody’s ever turned their nose up at a fancy envelope landing in their letterbox.

“I always ensure all invitations (whether it is printed invitations, an email invitation or a simple text message) contain the required dress code, even if it’s informal.” Terry de Gunzburg for How To Spend It.

The Art of Seating

Probably the most challenging part for a host when organising a successful dinner party is to get the seating plan right. There are some crucial points to consider before deciding who is going to sit next to whom, some more obvious than others.

• Split the couples but don’t split friends; they are the life of the party. Put fun people next to each other; their laughter will make for a great atmosphere.
• Don’t waste the wit of your entertaining guests sitting them next to dull ones  (there’s always at least one of those, isn’t it?). Better sit the dull one next to the egocentric who will be happy to talk about himself all night while the dull guest will be relieved he doesn’t have to try to be interesting. It’s a win-win arrangement.
• For a formal do, bear in mind that the seating plan isn’t just potluck – it’s all about the pecking order. If you’re hosting someone with a fancy title, like a princess or a countess, she gets pride of place to the right of the host. The next top banana should be seated on the left, and so forth. It’s a bit of an old hat for the seasoned lot, but for the uninitiated, mind you don’t make a howler of it.
• But why not try a weird seating plan once in a while? You can do the oldest to youngest (sure it will be a great conversation). Or a table of women and a table of men (Which table will laugh the loudest?) Or alphabetical. In this case, plan your dinner around a very narrow table so plates almost touch, with people at either end. That way you can have conversations of six. Or also a one-conversation dinner, that often leads to some interesting discussions.

Create An Atmosphere

• Music

Choose tunes that set the mood. Jazz or Bossa Nova can be perfect, while loud ’80s hits might be better saved for later. There always will be someone kicking off the heels to dance and sing at the top of the lungs “I will survive”.

Regarding the music, it’s essential to set the tone both before and after dinner. However, during the meal, let the music take a backseat. The real symphony should be the lively chatter and laughter of your cherished guests, which is music to the ears in its own right.

• Lighting

Dimmed lights make your dinner party cosier, and more importantly, they are much more flattering, hiding the lines and wrinkles the host and guests may have! Use small table lamps instead of the ceiling lamp, in addition to lighting some candles.

The Menu

Choose an easy menu that you can cook ahead. Don’t serve too many courses as it would keep you too busy to enjoy the dinner party, running back and forth. Try out the European classic– starter, main course and pudding. Prepare one main course with several little dishes instead. It’s more fun to have lots of things to choose from on the table, and easier to please all your guests. Also, this way, you won’t allow anyone to go on and on about their dietary restrictions; this is not a topic of conversation and no, having gluten intolerance doesn’t make you any special.

• About Cheese and Dessert

Recently, while in France, I stumbled upon a fascinating tidbit about the age-old debate of serving cheese before or after dessert. Delving into the history books and peering at the menu cards from the illustrious dinners at the Croy family’s Chateau D’azy, I made an intriguing discovery. Not a single menu featured cheese. It turns out, according to the dusty pages of the oldest etiquette books, serving cheese at dinner was once considered a peasant’s custom. How times have changed! Just like the flow of money, habits evolve, transforming yesterday’s simplicity into today’s gourmet tradition.

Drinks: The Life of The Party

Two points are crucial when it comes to drinks: first, make sure that there is always water on the dinner table, both sparkling and natural water. However, one of the most memorable dinners I’ve ever been to had a red fish swimming in each water jug, making it impossible for the guests to drink it!

Second, serve good wine. Have white and red wine in stock and offer your guests both. Kick off the evening with something bubbly like champagne, mimosas or prosecco. Read here why you should serve champagne. Additionally, check The champagne etiquette guide to learn how to serve your bubbly like a pro.

For a starter, my husband always prepares a delicious caipirinha. It’s remarkable how quickly our guests become more talkative. Remember that when it comes to booze, less is not more. Finally, you can never have enough ice cubes.

When hosting an informal dinner, it’s not uncommon for a guest to arrive bearing the gift of a bottle of wine. If the wine happens to complement the evening’s menu, why not uncork it right there and then? It’s a gracious gesture that acknowledges your guest’s thoughtfulness and instantly adds to the convivial atmosphere of the gathering. However, if the wine isn’t quite the right fit for your dishes, there’s absolutely no faux pas in setting it aside for another occasion. After all, each bottle of wine has its perfect moment, and there’s joy in anticipating that future enjoyment.

6 – When It’s Over

. Cleaning Up

This part does not affect your guest but will accrue you. As the perfect dinner party host, don’t start cleaning or loading the dishwasher while your guests are still there, it isn’t polite. Unless, of course, it’s already tomorrow and you have to get ready to go to work. Once they leave, store the leftovers in the fridge and soak the dirty dishes. Don’t leave any food leftovers on the plates; otherwise, you will regret it the next day.

. Thank You Messages

As the host of a dinner party, you will surely receive thank you notes after it. But if you consider your evening has been a success and you are thankful that your guests joined you, why not let them know it by writing a little “Thank You For Coming”-note? Again, they should match the level of formality of the party. Be sure to send them the next day.

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